Thursday, May 12, 2011

The Adventures of Big and Little Bertha

Once upon a time, I was going for a little jog to maintain my slim physique. Out of no where I was viciously attacked by a baby shark. The little bugger chewed up my ankle and has left me to spend my summer on crutches. Being the awesome individual that I am, I came up with the idea to document the adventures of the Berthas.

Big Bertha and I are in the car going out on a grand adventure with my Mom.  Who knows where we are going to go. Big Bertha needs to be propped up because if not she starts to throb very painfully and then her toes turn purple.  I am terrified of getting gangrene, so I keep it propped up so that my foot doesn't rot and fall off.








Here we are at the library.  All the books were exhausting to look at and so Big Bertha needed a break to keep from getting to excited and doing something crazy like getting a book, or even worse wanting to read the book.
















Too much shopping has left Big Bertha tired and sore and conveniently there was some milk to rest her in  and cool her off as well!!






We had a visit at the Proctor's home.  Neal brought his lady friend Katie and we had a lovely chat with Jana and Craig. Big Bertha kicked it with Jana's feet. It was a very magical time for the three of them.











Big Bertha and I went for a walk with my Mom and sister Jen in search of a place for family pictures. Big Bertha found this place and she had a great desire to go and sit on the rocks and dip her toes in the water.  Alas this was not a possible because of the crutches, which help aid Big Bertha. Very Scenic isn't it?











Chloe my Dad's dog, that conveniently follows Big Bertha around to make sure that Big Bertha does what she should, need a new collar or toy.  Big Bertha really enjoyed these toes and was desirous for one of these. Unfortunately her dream was not made a reality because well Chloe will eat any toy that has holes in.













Mom and I went to Target together. Big Bertha didn't want to have to walk around and so we got her a cart. This particular cart was so painfully slow that my thumb became exhausted. I was forced to use my other foot and Big Bertha had to carry her own weight and help out which she did so well.







Because of the shark attack, I have become more popular than I ever thought I could be. To keep up with all my friends, I was forced to text and drive. Dangerous as it may seem, a baby could crawl faster than Big Bertha was moving and so I wasn't too concerned.












My dad needed to go to the doctors office to get some blood work done. Doctors offices make Big Bertha nervous and so she got propped up to read a couple of magazines to take her mind of the terror of what the doctors had to do to her because of that awful baby shark.



As her reward Big Bertha and I got to go to breakfast with my Mom and Dad to celebrate Mother's Day. We went up  Big Cottonwood Canyon to a little restaurant called Silver Fork Lodge.  Big Bertha loved the breakfast and by the time we were done everyone agreed it was time for a nap.













As you can tell Big Bertha and other leg took a nap on the way home.







This is a really big moment for Big Bertha.  She is at her doctor's office. This is right before Big Bertha is removed. Personally my ankle is excited because Big Bertha is causing my ankle a lot of grief.




The nurse is starting in on her...



Oh Big Bertha you are a mess...



My poor chewed up foot is almost free...



My cankle is slowly but surely making  making her puffy debut...


So close...


I am...








free and... bony? Where is my cankle?





Oh look at that scar and luckily some swelling!! The scar, the scar. I hope all who look at this are jealous are of how great it is.  And how blessed am I to have that scar on MY ankle!!!











Oh yes! Look at that bad boy!!! My heart fills with excitement just looking at all those stitches.  My doc who threatened to not give me a handicap parking sticker, the jerk, told me that my swelling was a lot less than what he expected. My ankle is ahead of healing schedule.  Thank you Mom and Dad for taking good care of me so that Big Bertha could spend the majority of her time propped up watching Boston Legal. Denny Crane.



I'm not going to lie, getting my stitches taken out was awful. So Painful. Doc kept saying to breathe and dang it, I was not giving birth to a baby and it didn't help.  Look how bruised and swollen my poor cankle is after such torture.









The Birth of Little Bertha!!!


Let the padding of Little Bertha begin...



Yes Little Bertha's secret is out, she is white underneath...


Totally white underneath, shocked me as well...


Little Bertha had you going, she's Camo!!!...


It climbs my leg...


Little Bertha is almost finished...


TA DA!!!












This is the first adventure of Little Bertha!!! We went to go get my car inspected. Convientely it failed and so Little Bertha and I will be going to the autos hop and the DMV to get our handicapped parking pass. I don't need to be hobbling too fat. LIttle Bertha is too awesome for that. 

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